Abuse and Free Choice

I have been troubled by a discussion with an orthodox rabbi about free will. It was stated that one should not be angry at a person who hits you as this action was ordained by G-d. In addition, it was stated that if you were hit you were meant to be hit as part of a life lesson. What is very troublesome about this paradigm is that it could become a rationalization for spousal abuse since a person who was hit was meant to be so. Please clarify the Torah stance on this matter.